Al Gore is one smart guy...he ensured yesterday that the playing field (the 20+ field of presidential wannabes) was drastically reduced to maybe like five. Yeah, only those of strong heart remain(and Obama, 'cos he believes that he is virtually untouchable due to Geffen's support...ah! for the naivete of the inexperienced), thus making it a more-or-less obstacle-free run for Gore to enter the white house! The others probably went down in a foaming-at-the-mouth, hand-clutched-to-the-heart, eyes-bulging-out kind of way...
So what did Al Gore do? For those of you who were living in a cave and did not watch the Oscars last night, Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio came on stage to announce that this Oscar presentation was the first one which was completely green - i.e., it has been produced with techniques and considerations for making it environment-friendly. Then DiCaprio asked him, "do you think there is any other maaaaaajor announcement that you want to make today?" In response, Gore goes teary-eyed and says something to the effect of, "considering the overwhelming response and support I have received, I would like to make an announcement", (takes a piece of paper out of his pocket), "My fellow Americans...". Suddenly the Oscar music starts playing and the mike is withdrawn - an obvious gesture that he is out of time...Gore looks up into the sky and smiles sadly...a humourous take on all the fuss that has been about him announcing his candidacy for the presidency...
So, Al Gore's near announcement with DiCaprio on Oscar night was a smart move...every politician who has the slightest of misguided hope that he or she can become the next American president probably saw their worst fears come true...Al Gore, about to announce to the world, in front of billions of people (on TV), with the Hollywood glitteratti backing and cheering him to the hilt, that he might run for president! Then they proceeded to have a heart attack, in a foaming-at-the-mouth, hand-clutched-to-the-heart, eyes-bulging-out kind of way, and die! And for the unlucky ones that didn't die the first time, the second time he said "my fellow Americans" after winning the Oscar for best documentary ("An Inconvenient Truth"), coupled with the Oscar win, probably did the trick!
I mean he has Leonardo DiCaprio egging him on, on national (nay, international TV) for godsakes! That alone would ensure that women and the gay community would vote for Gore! Which gives him a majority. How? see if women make up close to 50% of the population and the openly gay community makes up say even 5% of the remaining male population, then Gore gets close to 55% of the vote...add to that 10% from the remaining 45% of men who are secretly gay, and also 10% from the remaining who think they are liberal and helping the environment (these guys are also gay probably, but don't want to even start thinking about it, heh, heh!). So, 50 + 5 + 10 + 10 = some ridiculous number of people that will vote as long as it is above 50 (ok, ok, it is 75%).
Now to be honest, this is not 75% of the total population of America...that would be blasphemous...what, in a total democracy, you wouldn't expect more than 5% of the population to actually want to have anything to do with the election process would you (the remaining 95% of the people leave their choice-making to the courts)? So that's like 75% of 5%, which is like, err...ummm...ahem... 3.75 % of the total population voting for Gore - which makes him the next president of the US.
I mean how many politicians, other than Gore in this case, have a sense of humour? We know that Hillary certainly doesn't...Bill Clinton was probably the last one to seem to have one and he used to it to rake up the brownie points with the ladies and "make sexy-time" (as Borat would put it). Even he seems to have lost it now considering his blow-up on TV recently. So, all the remaining candidates were dropping dead at the sight of Gore starting to announce his candidacy, thus ensuring that when he does make the real announcement, he would be left with no real competition.
But spare a thought for these poor candidates...I mean, when their souls do turn up in Hell, and they catch the remaining parts of the Oscar telecast and then read this post about how it was all an elaborate set up, they would continue the foaming-at-the-mouth, hand-clutched-to-the-heart, eyes-bulging-out dance that got them to Hell in the first place...in fact, if I was Satan, I would ensure that they are shown reruns of the Gore-DiCaprio fake ad-infinitum, and then force them to read this post during the short breaks that they get (in fact, I have a sneaky feeling that Satan uses my blog posts as a torture mechanism anyways!).
So, considering that Gore gets the 3.75% and that the remaining candidates are in the field only 'cos they never really mattered in the first place, perhaps Leonardo DiCaprio should have addressed him as Mr. President! (But I guess that would have been a mistake 'cos Spielberg might take offence!)
Update : Here is the video...
_________________
No comments:
Post a Comment