Friday, May 04, 2007

Movie Review | Spiderman 3 sucks!

Well, it was bound to happen. After the first two movies made over 1.6 billion dollars at the box office, one would expect that the egos of the director, the stars, and even the writers would spin out of control. It did and it resulted in a sub-standard movie that seems to have been created by committee.

I am big fan of the Spiderman comic books and really like the way the characters are presented, especially the protagonist. He is nerdy, dorky and with awesome super-powers, but with a biting sarcasm which he uses really well to frustrate his opponents as well as a defense mechanism when things start to go wrong - both in his "professional" as well as personal life. That sarcasm and humour, the quintessential traits that sets Spiderman apart from the rest of the comic universe is completely lacking in the movie versions - all three of them. And that tarnishes the character quite a bit. But to be completely honest, its just as well. Considering the acting abilities (or lack of it thereof) of Toby Maguire, one must understand that there is no way that he can carry of a "funny" Spiderman.

Anyways, that apart, I went into the movie with a lot of expectations. I even believed that I will go back and watch it in a day or two at the local IMAX theater, simply, to see the obvious, awesome graphics. Yes, that's right obvious! In a world where CGI has progressed to being indistinguishable from reality, one can see what is real and what isn't in this movie. Sometimes the graphics are tardy and overdone. The action sequences are too fast and all over the place for ordinary humans to follow, make sense, or even be in awe. Things rush by so fast that one can easily get bored. Hey, if I can't follow what's going on with the fast blurry stuff zig-zagging on screen, then I might as well concentrate on the pop-corn at hand and the pretty girl sitting next to me.

And to think that they spent close to a half a billion dollars on this movie! Most expensive movie on the planet and all of it down the drain. Well if they spent even a small fraction of that money and expensive graphics to fix Tobey Maguire's complete lack of talent at emoting, then well, this movie would have been ten times as good. Let's get this straight - the only expression he can put on is one of a dopey, goofy character. Anything more complicated seems to be well out of his bag of tricks. By the way, there are two attributes that he should never attempt and he seems to overdose on them in this movie - one is trying to be emotional/sad while the other is trying to be "cool"/suave. And not surprisingly, he fails miserably on both counts.

We see a sad Peter Parker on two occasions : first, when Mary Jane claims to break up with him and again when his friend Harry Osborne has been critically injured. On both occasions he is in tears and let me warn you - it is not a pretty sight. Its like watching something horrible but being unable to turn your eyes away. In fact the audience was gasping in horror at the pathetic exhibition of emotion from Tobey Maguire.

The other disturbing aspect of the movie is when Venom takes over Peter Parker/Spiderman. Venom, an alien parasite, is supposed to bring out the worst characteristics in its host with the dark side taking over the host's personality. In Peter Parker it is supposed to make him more angry, more of a womaniser, more deadly, more powerful, less moral, etc. Well the problem is that in this movie, the character of Peter Parker is played by Tobey Maguire and angry, immoral and suave he is not. He is supposed to walk with an air about himself, make random passes at women, dress in a more dark, more stylish way, wear his hair differently and cut the rug in a mean way with some stylish dance moves at a jazz club. To be very polite, Tobey Maguire is not a John Travolta or a Patrick Swayze. He completely lacks the panache required to exhibit a "dark side" and it comes off as being extremely funny and comical. Unfortunately that effect was not intentional.

Topher Grace (of "The 70s show" fame) plays his rival for a job at the Daily Bugle and subsequently becomes infected by Venom. Suffice to say that acting was never his strong point. He seems to be just another Tobey Maguire - able to play the dorky goof-off in the sitcom but not quite making the cut for the big screen especially in action flicks. Well, at least he is better at humour that Tobey Maguire. Hmmm...maybe Topher Grace as Spiderman would have been an interesting experiment - at least he can carry off that sarcasm part well.

Of course, my biggest gripe with any big-screen adaptation (which wasn't as evident in the first two movies) is a distinct divergence from the comic book (Spiderman universe) storyline. For example, the reason Peter Parker meets Gwen Stacy (in the books at least) is because she studies with him and then is taken in my Aunt May when her father is killed in the line of duty. Both Gwen Stacy and her father receive about 5 minutes of footage and might as well have never been in the movie to begin with - their roles are pointless as far as Spiderman 3 goes.

Of yeah, I almost forgot - the overdose of drama and soap-opera'ish storylines. This movie has just too much of it, and considering that this is an action movie that is unacceptable. In fact, if someone had walked in to the movie about 15 minutes of its start and then watched the next half an hour, he would be puzzled and would think, "did I walk into the the wrong movie? I thought this was an action blockbuster. This looks and feels like a chick flick?" This is especially relevant, because as I mentioned above, most of the actors in the movie fell flat while trying to carry off the serious "acting" stuff that they're supposed to do when they are in front of a camera.

One other big problem with this movie - the direction and screenplay. There is no flow between the various events and scenes. A lot of unrelated and unnecessary parts made the cut. It seems like the entire package was put together in a hurry. Not hard to believe considering the enormous budget - I guess it must have been ballooning at an alarming rate and the studio must have put its foot down and forced Sam Raimi's hand to finish it in a hurry. Or, perhaps he was just bored with the entire thing. As a friend put it - maybe the actors, the director and crew were so tired of the entire thing that they decided to kill the movie franchise by doing a bad job!

Perhaps the guy who made (and markets) the Dyson vacuum cleaners might sell more of them if he changed his tagline to - "Dyson: sucks as much as Spiderman 3"!



Anonymous said...

Is that you, Pot, talking about someone else's ego? Sounds like your ego is far more massive than any accomplished director, actor, etc... You seem to be able to put on one expression yourself: arrogance.

Sib. said...

Comments like the one above always make me laugh...looks like people go on the offensive if they find someone with a differing opinion and instead of doing it in an intellectual, logical way which would make someone sit up and ponder, they resort to nonsense - which means that they are never going to be taken seriously anyways!

Well, where would the world be without its share of idiots...sigh!

Sib. said...

Oh I forgot the best part - its by anonymous (Texas ;)). I'm falling out of my chair laughing right now...

qt said...

i totally agreed with you there. Spiderman 3 sucked balls.

Cecile said...

oh man ... i agree, it was like a chick flick, and everything was so poorly done. everything. every little thing. and i agree with everything you've said ... what a disappointment.

SHANST-E said...

YES thank you ! every thing in the review is correct SPidey 3 SUCKED BALLS!!!! leave it in that trash can of bad superhero movies next to oH ALL the batmans 2-whatever. hopefully a REAL spider-man fan comes along and can render the REAL spider-man on the silver screen like he is in the comics! truthfully a few unknown actors that are well cast and would have done 24 movies over a 10 year period for the same amount of money OR LESS! would have made a better movie. spider-mans life is one to be told in many episodes , and not too be tampered with much, he has his weakness the webshooters!!! he has his gift of WIT and HUMOR! he has an inner monolouge and spider-sense and tools he creates to win, all these things are VOID in the Movies by Rami. Im a huge spider-man fan and though I see every movie I refuse to buy any of them.I thought it was bad when green goblin looked like a plastic power ranger villan. but goblin jr! worst costume ever he looks like a fuckin Burger King kids club member on a SNOWBOARD! fuckin hollywood writers are so gay and stupid and detached from what is REALLY cool, ther attempt to tap into what they THINK will sell based on waht people are buying in other markets, is ridiculous their thoughts are like "if kids like candy AND they like dogs , how bout dog flavored candy! or snoop dogg Ice cream, or a fuckin goblin jr on a SNOWBOARD!!!!!!" HOpefulle hollywood WILL learn to do ther research and stay true to whatever epic stories they are translating onto the big screen, LISTEAN TO THE FANS, LISTEAN TO THE DORKS!!!! stop listeaning to your agency that collects purchase data from 50 states and blah blah blah marketing crap, FUCK YOU! gimme the real deal. spider-man 3 was the equivalent of taking the ten commandments and making them the 5 mp3s where moses is called mo jr and he has a mohawk and says "let my people grow!" you see how ridiculous that sounds, well SM3 is THAT ridiculous , Venom a character that would take at LEAST its own movie to introduce and tell the story gets thrown in like a scene from a cheap 80s b movie, two teens being all lovey dovey in the park and suddenly a meteorite lands behind them, unbeknownst to them! it proceeds to creep up on them from its own "monster view" and attach itself to peters faggot dirt bike like something from "the blob". so crappy so terrible. I believ sam rami secretly hates all hetero sexuals and spider-man himself. he wants peter parker to shoot gay ropes of cum from his wrists instead of designing his own web shooters, he wants gay boy tobi to play the part like keyanu reeves would with one wooden exspression the entire time, ...oh and fuck you all KRISTEN DUNCE IS UGLY!!!!!

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

Kirsten Dunst is so fucking ugly...the movie sucks!

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with you on this one...spiderman 3 was so bad. I almost walked out. I haven't thought about walking out on a movie in along time...the mere thought of "should I get up and go" is a clear indication that this movie is REALLY expensive crap!

save your money people.

Bluzulu said...

Oh my god what a piece of crap this movie was. HATED IT!!! I want to say it was worst than Superman Returns, but it wasn't. I won't even go see a sequel of Superman that's how bad it was. Poor Spidey!

hossrex said...

Its great that this is the first link that pops up on Google when I searched for "spiderman 3 sucks review". I agree with everything Sib said.

Oh, and you forgot to mention how endlessly confusing it is that in a movie "featuring" Venom, why any time whatsoever, let alone so much, was spent on a waste of a character like Sandman. Thomas Hayden Church has always been a great actor (except in Sideways, ironically the only thing most people know him from), but I just DO NOT CARE about him. You'd think they were scrapping the bottom of the barrel in so far as Spidey villains go, but then you're reminded that Venom (best Spidey villain created in the last 30 years) is in the movie.

Then you wonder why it wasn't the whole movie.

I could understand the arguments that Venom wouldn't be right for a movie. It was a complicated, extended comic book storyline in its original format, and perhaps it would have to be compressed so heavily in a movie format, that it would be worth doing.


They make an attempt to tell this grand, complicated story... and on top of how difficult it would have been to do convincingly in a 120 minute film, they pile it on top of what seemed like a completely different movie already about the Green Goblin, AND the Sandman.

Focus Raimi. Focus.

Sib said...

Why does the movie need THREE villains? And each one working pretty much alone (except towards the end when the Sandman and Venom team up). Why the emotional nonsense with the "new" Goblin and MJ?

I saw this episode of "reel talk" on NBC last Sunday and the female host (Alison was it) complain about this movie. Her main gripe was, get this,
"this movie is too long with all the excessive ACTION sequences. They should have cut down the action and special effects and paid more attention to the tender side of the story!!!"
And she was being serious mind you. Someone forgot to tell her that this was an action blockbuster based on a superhero legendary in the graphic novel universe!!! But then again, I'm not surprised that she got confused - most people who have seen this movie are confused as to whether this is a chick flick or not!

Xin (XINVADER) said...

I thoroughly disagreed with this review in a lot of aspects. Of course that's your opinion. I myself on the other hand thought that this was the greatest comic book adaptation ever made (not for accuracy of course). Although an action film, I think it had the right balance of drama and action to make it work. If you want to see a derivative one track cheezy predictable action flick go see an Arnie movie. No offense of course. Spider-Man has always been as much about Peter Parkers personal life as it is about our friendly neighbourhood hero. Of course I can appreciate this type of thing, I mean I like stuff such as the work of Michel Gondry.
I do agree that some of the acting was a little 'suspect' and that a lot of changes were made in order for the film to appeal to a wider audience but you have to remember that films are made to entertain... and make money.
The only change I would make to this film to make it even better would be more Venom. Spider-Man should have been pawned in a short battle and had to retreat. Then Venom could team up with Sandman if not at all for the final showdown.
I think you should go back and watch the film again and try and get involved with the story a little more and try to understand 'feelings' if that's comprehendable to you of course.

repacked sex keeps your interest said...

hahaha anonymous is so dummmbb. that movie sucked! it wasn't entertaining at all.

and on that note
when does art lose its expression and become exploited for by money giants?

oh, it cost that much money huh? an expensive piece of shit, is still a piece of shit. that kind of reminds me about how boring and uncreative some (not all) new video games are, they kinda seem... the same as the other boring one?

but ill buy shit if thats all your selling

im going out on a limb here so don't expect me to be right just making you yak!

Sib said...

I think you should go back and watch the film again and try and get involved with the story a little more and try to understand 'feelings' if that's comprehendable to you of course.
As I said, this movie is a chick flick (what with the sappy 'feelings' and all) and having had the agony to sit through the nonsensical movie once, I don't think I will do so again. There's no need to get personal on this - as you said yourself, my opinion is different from yours. You're welcome to disagree

As for greatest comic book adaptations, please watch Batman Begins, if you haven't done so already - it is a really good adaptation of the Batman comic book series and it deals with "feelings" in the right way - showing the personal conflicts and anguish of Bruce Wayne and his transformation to the darker Batman. It was executed perfectly and the audience was never bored, or disgusted as in the new Spidey movie. Hey, one look at Tobey Maguire's pathetic exhibition at showing his "feelings" was enough to see that this movie was hitting rock bottom in the first 15 minutes!

Besides, with all the bad guys and various storylines inter-twining, this movie could be nothing but a mess!

Hossrex said...

Batman Begins got everything right, except for whatever Tom Cruise's wife's name is. Katie something. She was tacked on, and unnecessary, simply in the movie because for some reason every movie needs a romantic subplot, regardless of how out of character it is (Batman is a swinging bachelor not because he's gay, but because he understands he doesn't have room in his life for anyone else, who might find themselves jeopardized because of his alter-ego).

But that was the ONE thing Batman Begins got wrong, and it was what... five minutes of the overall movie?

Spiderman 3 got just about as much right, as Batman Begins got wrong.

You just don't have Venom in a movie thats actually about Sandman.

That just rubs it in everyones face that we COULD be seeing a Venom movie, but instead are watching a movie about a sandbox come to life.

Its not even like Sandman offered more special effects opportunities. Venom done right would be a special effects extravaganza (to use a very tired metaphor).


Anonymous said...

i know dude i walked in there and got sooooo boared i mean its an action movie any way the one thing you missed was that wassent eddie brock eddie is a muscular hotshot who has a bulked up frame strong voice and likes to put his foot down

Anonymous said...

As a lifelong comic book fan, I was very amused and pleased with the first Spiderman effort. Tobey did a nice job portraying the "I'm supposed to do WHAT?" bumbling didn't-ask-for-this hero. He was both sweet and charming, and it worked. In the second installment, some of that freshness was lost. OK... he loves MJ - who is obviously more enamored with herself than REALITY. "I love you... wait... no I don't... wait... yes I do, I think..." It grew tiresome, but the movie rescued that second story-line, somewhat.

Then came the 3rd installment... Wow! What a disappointment. Let me see... "Honey - I know you are a superhero who is responsible for stopping crime in NEW YORK on a moment's notice - and I know I said I would be with you no matter what... but... I'm not having a good time at work, and you don't seem to notice. So - off you go, while I seek solace from the spoiled-brat rich friend of ours - you know, just to HURT you for all that BAD stuff you did to me."

If this movie did ANYTHING, it showed MJ to be completely shallow and unworthy of such "regard" as Peter shows for her.

The "Rico Suave" ensemble was patently ridiculous. "Ooooh... you combed your hair down in front of your face - you BAD BOY." Ludicrous.

Thank goodness there won't be a 4th.

Sib said...

Yeah, what was with that beleaguered effort at combing his hair down in front? Seemed patently put-on!

Anonymous said...

Man this movie has ruin the spiderman dream. I read a article that 2/3 of people who saw spider man 3 only in the U.S have said "I want my money back".

Jay said...

Great Review. I would like to know why every movie maid has this stupid formula or should I say ignorant balance of movie/chick flick bullshit. Do we have to please everyone? There were to many sub-plots in this movie that just drug it through the mud. The movie title should have been, "Mary Jane Needs Goddamn Attention", or , "Losing Time for Your Money". This movie spent so much time dealing with couple bullshit I actually forgot about the black suit/ venom even being apart of the damn story.
FAILURE FAILURE FAILURE. I think we should all get together and demand a national refund.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, I don't think that having an emotional struggle was out of place in this movie. As time goes on, both in the movie and comic series, Parker always seems to lose more of himself to Spiderman, and it constantly tears him up inside. I think the movie had a fantastic opportunity to use the aggressive "Venom-suit" tendencies to make Parker TRULY evaluate his role as both a hero and a human being. All comics don't have to be "Wooo explosions BOOM BOOM!", because we comic nerds are more mature than that, and appreciate depth as well as action.

Instead? Let's regress back to an 8th-grade mentality when it was "cool" to hurt someone who hurt you. It goes without saying that Toby's attempt at "Rico Suave" belonged back in the days when the Spiderman comics were first written... not in 2007. I honestly hope that McGuire was in a movie theater when this premiered and heard the unanimous "what the hell?" when the credits started rolling.

I wont even go into the pathetic representations of our villains, because it seems to have been accurately said in here. One thing I would like to point out is that Venom needs to go off the diet... and for the love of decency, Kirsten Dunst NEEDS a bra!

(p.s. yes I'm anonymous, but I don't have an account and this is the only time I'll probably be posting, so I didn't see a need to take 10 seconds to create an identity)

Anonymous said...

Spiderman 3 was the best of the three by far, Spideys and harrys first fight seen was one of the best fight seens in any movie. i saw it five times in the theatres, not waste of money at all, and every time i saw that secen i got the chills all over me cuz it was so emotional in the way that peter keeps trying and getting his ass kicked, and then drops the ring for a moment. but of course he wins the fight. the only thing that seemed funny to me was how yellow james franco's teeth were, i mean hes a millionare, cant he have somewhat white teeth. I also could have used more Venom, but overall, it was by far my favorite movie of all time, but everyone has their opinion.

Anonymous said...

I would rather finger my own asshole than attempt to watch this piece of shit movie again. It was the gayest chick flick I have ever seen. Peters hair was so emo and he wasn't in the kind of shape he was in the first movie. The sandman? Give me a break...What the balls was that? Pretty cool special effects but guess what...NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE SANDMAN!!!Venom was robbed of screen time and of a decent actor to portray him. I like topher but he was all wrong for that venom part. It was too big for him. I could deal with Spiderman 1. Spiderman 2 was getting a little gay. Spiderman 3 was just over the top. Thanks a lot for ruining one of my favorite superheroes all you Hollywood AssClowns.

Anonymous said...

it sucked. and if you say otherwise you probably are the kindof person who thinks having a simbiote fall from the sky is a good idea, or giving people emo clothes and wet hair makes them evil. they knew they had a bad cast and they fucked up b ut instead of admitting it they went on with it and put it in theatres so we could all stare at sam raimis humungus crap pile. fuck that, im going back to reading USM, and to all the retard kids who booed peter when he cried in it, i hope you burn in hell. sam turned it into a comedy and now the only thing kids will remember peter parker as is a crybaby in spandex. SO FUCK ALL YOU RETARDS!!!!!

PS kirsten is hot not ugly!!!

Anonymous said...

that movie sucked so much ass i cried after seeing it. if you liked this movie you took a shit on peter parkers head and you deserve to go to hell for destroying one of the greatest fictional charactars ever made.

Anonymous said...

I agree, that movie sucked. Why does Peter have to be love sick over MJ in every movie? Plenty of comics involve just Spidey. I wanna see a movie done right, where it's from Spidey's point of view. Where we can hear him talking to himself constantly, and cracking jokes to piss the villains off. Less drama and emotion, down with emo-spidey, up with classic Spidey.

Anonymous said...

i'm not even through watching this movie and the only thing, the ONLY impression that i've got is that it really is a very expensive piece of shit. let me repeat that . .


that is all. i don't know if this blog is still in action, but just own up, the fuckers that made this SHIT need to be sent to the moon.


thankyou and goodnight.

Anonymous said...

I just came across this story, but you are way off. Sure, it had its flaws...a better venom was a must, Vin Diesel perhaps? Mary Jane's constant whining. And yes it was quite all over the place. But to me, it still had the magic of the previous 2. I saw it 6 times in the theatre and even once by myself. I've never seen another movie in a theatre by myself. I loved it, but everyone has an opinion i guess. If you wanna see a dull movie, and I'm sure you've seen it already, Iron Man 2, that sucked.

Free Best Movies said...

Spider-Man is seriously the best movie taken from comic book! I watch it time after time, I couldn't believe how much fun I had watching this movie: the fights, the costumes, the characters… honestly I'm not a comic book fan, no offense to those who are, just I couldn't believe how much of a nerd I felt like when I was jumping and getting excited to see this movie. This is the crazy movie in my life,I was never into Spider-man, didn't really know about the story, but seeing this movie, I think I'm going to take a trip to the comic book store probably.

Poker Casino said...

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Anonymous said...

You would have to have sensibility of a moron to like this movie. I agree though you didn't cover all the points on it. Firstly (through) the acting is no biggie. And it is amazingly horrible - don't get me wrong. But it's the third movie. We've had to live with the bad acting (particularly from one non-natural red head) for a while. But back to the movie, the thing that got me is the complete mis-direction from the comic book. Not counting the minor characters like Gwen Stacey. But who ever thought Harry should be some New Age Goblin or whatever needs to take a Spiderman 3 DVD, break it and thereby attempt to take the shards and stab themselves in the neck. Then there's Eddie....Topher Grace? I don't hate him but he doesn't exactly scream Eddie Brock. He's a weasel but he's a weasel that works out. Of course you'd think I'd be okay with that since Mary Jane is played by pale, stick figure Kirsten Dunce. Speaking specifically on characters. The guy that plays Sandman is fail. Aww my daughter, my daughter. Crime is crime. This added to how he got his powers. "We're too laid back scientist who apparently cheated to get our degrees because when we eradiate an area....regardless of how restrictive the area is....we should probably run checks to see if there is nothing FRIGGIN alive in the pit. This is different from the comic book where he just falls into already erradiated sand. Also when he battle Spiderman with Venom um...if he was doing everything for the sake of his daughter then why was he there. To get revenge on a guy who is already getting the shakedown. Why isn't he taking advantage of the situation and um...go steal? Venom (in this movie) is more disappointing that General Grevous as he shows up late in the game. I don't have to say how disappointing it is for Spiderman's greatest foe to show up for the last 15 mins in the movie. And then there are two last people. First the butler. Okay, first of all who gives a fuck. He's can't be too intergal of character. And secondly this guy wait a whole other movie to tell Harry this important piece of info. They could have avoided the fallout and a bunch of other crap. And finally there is Kristen Dunce. So after the events of the second movie. A guy who gives his life to protect the innocent namely you...because he LOVES you, you would think he would be a bit more decent, trustworthy and powerful enough to take on his ex-best friend. She was another conflict starter. Even without the symbiote Peter's actions at the cafe were justified. The acting was....negliable or ignorable at best but the story much like the last two movies (even with a different director) sucked. This comment would have been relavent years ago but now's a good a time as any. This movie is bad then and it's bad now.