The Registrar reports that researchers at the University of Manchester have discovered the true secrets behind the legendary "beer goggles" effect - by which, previously monstrous members of the opposite sex become strangely attractive after consumption of lager and that this may not have anything to do with the sheer volume of booze consumed !

Here are the other "factors"...

• light levels in the establishment
• beholder's eyesight
• atmospheric smokiness
• proximity to the object of desire

They also formulated a beer goggle scale (0 to 100+) as follows:

• Less than one: No effect
• 1-50: Person you would normally find unattractive appears less "visually offensive"
• 51-100: Non-appealing person becomes suddenly attractive
• More than 100: Someone not considered attractive looks like a super model

Well...now we know the secret - chat up a short-sighted pretty girl in a low-lit, smoke-filled joint, from a distance of 15-20 feet ! That should get you....